Out of sync

I decided to stay in Cape Verde for the week instead of going home early. I wrote a nice big list of pros and cons (don't we love those) for staying or going home and, ultimately, I realised I wouldn't necessarily be much happier at home and I'd still be doing very little so if…

Self-inflicted Mind Games

I've been back in London a week now and straight into my new house with my new housemates - two very good friends of mine and between you and me, once we get all the boring general admin such as bills and the like sorted, we'll be ticking over just fine. However, I feel so…

Knowing a Feeling 

I learnt the hard way to not get my hopes up. Always let down, always dropped, always left a little bit more broken than before. Family, friends, coaches, GB team staff and, of course - boys, would remind me why I was 'stupid to think that this time would be any different.' So yes, I learnt…

This is what my ED looks like

An llness that doesn't care for age, height, gender or (rather ironically) weight. My ED carries a smile. A smile that whispers to the world 'I'm fine'. A smile that begs for someone to ask 'what's wrong?' but knows that if anyone does, it'll crack. My ED walks with a head held high. One that's…

Welcome Home

I've had this blank page staring back at me the past few days. Want to write, know that I do, but about what? I don't know. I just don't know. My head is spinning with a thousand questions, so much so I won't allow myself to even take a step back and appreciate how well…

Seven Years

A room so hot with heat and stress. Clock ticking down, minutes if not seconds left and then it's done. Four hours of time that passes so quick and it's over. Paper handed in, step outside and breathe. Done. Over. Seven years of law school. Finished. Drinks, food and laughter galore. The bank account winces…

Hello

I have a weekly face time catch up with a best friend of mine. A best friend I’ve actually only known two years, a best friend who’s been a best friend possibly less than a year but, regardless, the best of the best. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone, all that matters is that…

Nightmare Realities

The illness crept up on me full force when I was reminded over an awful night that happened almost a year ago...wow, it's almost a year ago now...one year...12 months...52 weeks...365 days ago. Can I even call it an anniversary? Surely that day doesn't deserve to have an anniversary? Nevertheless, the date is fast approaching and I can…

And Breathe…

Take a step outside and shut your eyes. Feel that breeze in the air, take one big breath in and hold. Keep holding. And breathe. Let it all out. Let the stress leave and the pain subside. It's okay to crumble. It's okay to slip up under the pressure. It's okay to fall. But breathe. Just…

Parenting the Parents

  16 hours. 960 minutes. 57600 seconds is all it took for him to fuck up. Yet again. As always. Once more the man messed up. His actions have hurt me more than ever before. I hate how much he's hurt my entire family. I resent the pressure I have had to cope with to hold…