24 June

Sometimes it feels like another day another health problem. I've had health issues since I was born but the list just gets longer and more complex every single year. Cerebral palsy, nerve damage, volkmanns, epilepsy, psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, chrons disease, and recurring kidney stones. Let's not forget the barrage of injuries and operations I've…

12 June

And all of a sudden it's as though I can breathe again. Pressure lifted. Wrongful commitments gone. Myself first. Once and for all. Finally. Relief flows through the strength of saying no. Self-love for my own worth driving me forward. Not looking back. Because I'm happier with it staying behind. Moving on, weight free. Content…

30 April

I can confirm the days of recovery get better but I sometimes wonder just how better I am. Although the unhealthy physical habits of bingeing, purging, over-exercising, restriction etc. are gone the mental side can scream so loud. I want to enjoy food the way most people do. To experience meals without the cries of…

3 April

My body has changed a lot the last year. My body actually looks the smallest it's looked since I was really ill with bulimia. and I don't fully know how I'm supposed to feel about that. And, the thing is, I'm happy that my body is smaller. I'm happy that I've changed healthily. But I…

26 February

Why do I always question myself? Questioning why I question myself...seems a decent summary of the post that's about to follow. A little while ago I was at the GP surgery. There was some big delay and mishap with their systems so I was sat in her office whilst she went to print out some…

5 February

I've had a relapse of sorts and it's taken me nearly 8 months to realise. That doesn't necessarily mean I've been in a constant full blown relapse that entire time but the warning signs were creeping back and I was simply choosing to ignore them. In June last year, 3 months into the pandemic, I…

15 January

2 weeks into the New Year and I'm pretty sure I don't like resolutions that much. Well the crap ones anyway... For years I've hated that the most popular New Years resolution is usually along the lines of having something to do with losing weight. As a child and young adult I always felt the…

27 September

Two weeks ago I had the privilege of speaking to a team of female swimmers in the US about my experience with bulimia as an elite athlete. Five weeks ago I wouldn't have even thought that was a possibility. When the captain reached out to me on Instagram, I didn't see the message for a…

20 September

I'm having a weekend full of weird and unexpected highs and lows. I had planned to write a different post this weekend (about an opportunity I had to speak about my ED to a swimming team) but that's had to be postponed to allow me to process some triggers I've come across the past 48…

The benefits of comfort eating

Society taught me that comfort eating was bad. That I should be ashamed of any times I comfort ate in my life. Ironically, that "shaming" led to me comfort eating even more. Indeed, societal norms can cause us to find ourselves in a deadly cycle - I was shamed for being chubby - I comfort…