12 June

And all of a sudden it's as though I can breathe again. Pressure lifted. Wrongful commitments gone. Myself first. Once and for all. Finally. Relief flows through the strength of saying no. Self-love for my own worth driving me forward. Not looking back. Because I'm happier with it staying behind. Moving on, weight free. Content…

5 February

I've had a relapse of sorts and it's taken me nearly 8 months to realise. That doesn't necessarily mean I've been in a constant full blown relapse that entire time but the warning signs were creeping back and I was simply choosing to ignore them. In June last year, 3 months into the pandemic, I…

Out of sync

I decided to stay in Cape Verde for the week instead of going home early. I wrote a nice big list of pros and cons (don't we love those) for staying or going home and, ultimately, I realised I wouldn't necessarily be much happier at home and I'd still be doing very little so if…

Flexible Planning

T-minus 24 hours until my qualification leave begins! (Well 24 hours if I leave work at 5pm tomorrow but my supervisor knows it’s my last day so fingers crossed he’ll let me run away as soon as it is professionally acceptable to do so). It still hasn’t fully hit me that I’m going to be…

Hidden

You say you don't like to tell me you love me too often, so that when you do, it means 'more'. Those hidden words would mean a lot to me, if I were to hear them a little more often. You say I'm perfect the way I am but I feel as though you keep…

Just a touch of magic…

It is impossible to visit Disneyland and not feel happiness. I challenge you to find someone who has entered one of the parks and not enjoyed it one bit...but even if you do find someone,or you are in fact someone who doesn't like Disneyland, then that's perfectly acceptable. Each to their own! My boyfriend and…

Restless Rest

I had a week off work last week for no reason other than I had holiday to use and figured that back in March, a random week off in June would work well. I struggled that week more than I ever thought I would. Between all the hospital appointments I had scheduled and the inevitable…

Number Crunching

I did that thing I wasn't supposed to do. I did it even though I knew it wasn't going to do me any good. I stepped on the scales and that pain I knew would arrive came rushing, burning through every part of my body. I stood there, simply hurting. 8 weeks into recovery and…

Internal Criticisms

The big, dreaded, over-thought-about-before, phone call happened on Thursday. It was supposed to be Tuesday but got switched last minute. That in itself freaked me out for a good 12 hours... But deep breaths and I got there. I was so incredibly nervous to hear my old therapist's voice as I sat on my bed…

Just say this or that

I slipped up and he told me he was 'frustrated'. Since admitting my relapse the other week I've pretty much put every practical step into motion that you can think of. I moved into his for the week so I could have that really close support (supervision too). We sat and made a meal plan,…