Out of sync

I decided to stay in Cape Verde for the week instead of going home early. I wrote a nice big list of pros and cons (don't we love those) for staying or going home and, ultimately, I realised I wouldn't necessarily be much happier at home and I'd still be doing very little so if…

Hidden

You say you don't like to tell me you love me too often, so that when you do, it means 'more'. Those hidden words would mean a lot to me, if I were to hear them a little more often. You say I'm perfect the way I am but I feel as though you keep…

It’s Okay

Girls Night Out had been planned for at least 2 months and, now that I think about it, I was the one who had initiated the plans in the first place. We were to go out on the Friday but as soon as the preceding Monday arrived I was filled with guilt and nerves. I was…

Hello 2018

I've not really been one for New Year's Resolutions. I've always found the 'New Year, New Me' to be slightly superficial but major congrats to anyone who fully commits to their resolutions! However, I do like to reflect and make goals.  (Same thing, I know!!) I was at a party again for NYE, the same…

Times Like This

Woken up 4am Thursday morning with a pain in my left hand side. A stabbing pain that made me scream and cry and call out for my flatmates. 8 hours later and the hospital sent me home. Hand in hand with some paracetamol, they couldn't work out what had happened to me and said I…

Eleven Days

It's been eleven days since you broke up with me for approximately 30 minutes. Eleven days since you spent an entire day changing your mind and messing with mine in the process. Eleven days since you planted the worlds biggest mind fuck into my head and not a single day out of those eleven has…

Raw

Hands tense, gripping what they can. Trying to stand tall but everything is crumbling. Heavier weights to try numb the even heavier pain. But it's falling away. It's being ripped away. It hurts. Oh it god damn hurts. The pounding starts. The voices come running. Whispers turn into screams. Walls back up but still spiralling downwards.…

Shit Happens

I know I did nothing wrong. I know that sometimes you simply aren't going to be the right person for someone but god, do I feel like a fool. Last night I wished I could say with conviction that it was his loss and yet I couldn't. His words have been such a contradiction to…

Parenting the Parents

  16 hours. 960 minutes. 57600 seconds is all it took for him to fuck up. Yet again. As always. Once more the man messed up. His actions have hurt me more than ever before. I hate how much he's hurt my entire family. I resent the pressure I have had to cope with to hold…

‘Time Heals’, That’s a lie.

Right now I am a mixture of very happy and very sad and I’m trying so very hard to figure it all out. I’m trying to figure out all these feelings and emotions and words and thoughts and I can’t work out what they all mean. Everything I feel lately seems to be a contradiction…