Out of sync

I decided to stay in Cape Verde for the week instead of going home early. I wrote a nice big list of pros and cons (don't we love those) for staying or going home and, ultimately, I realised I wouldn't necessarily be much happier at home and I'd still be doing very little so if…

Welcome Home

I've had this blank page staring back at me the past few days. Want to write, know that I do, but about what? I don't know. I just don't know. My head is spinning with a thousand questions, so much so I won't allow myself to even take a step back and appreciate how well…

A Beautiful Paradox

  She was broken but never hopeless. Alone but never lonely. Her eyes reflected pain but projected courage. She was a beautiful paradox I really like that quote and feel like I can massively relate to it. It always feels weird to have people say things to me like, 'I love how confident you are, you…

Heartache, Heartbreak

I just feel so lonely, struggling to pick myself up. These past two months have been hell and I've never had to cope with so many different yet equally hard situations. And its as if there isn't anyone there. I feel like I'm struggling to get through this and I don't know how to make…

Stillness

Standing still but my mind won't stop spinning. I don't want to hurt like this and I don't know what's going to make it stop. I can't decide which path to take and I know I'm hurting him. I can't hurt him. I don't want to break his heart and its breaking mine. I need…

Be mine

I feel terrible saying this because of what happened last week. I tried to talk about it but it was still too raw, and he felt I was justifying what happened. I do understand that. But I want to go out. I want my boyfriend to come with me. To be proud to come out…

Whats another crack when you’re already broken?

I've never felt so weak, so confused, so unhappy, so broken. I've never been this down. I've never felt as if I have absolutely nothing left until now. When I relapsed in January I was convinced with the help of my friends I'd get better but now we're almost at the end of May and…

Countdown

You've not eaten all day. You need to eat. And then it begins. It starts with a question of 'why?' Why did I eat? Why could I not have been stronger? And then the fear kicks in. The fear of being fat. The fear of being ugly. The fear of becoming that unwanted fat and ugly…