Out of sync

I decided to stay in Cape Verde for the week instead of going home early. I wrote a nice big list of pros and cons (don't we love those) for staying or going home and, ultimately, I realised I wouldn't necessarily be much happier at home and I'd still be doing very little so if…

Welcome Home

I've had this blank page staring back at me the past few days. Want to write, know that I do, but about what? I don't know. I just don't know. My head is spinning with a thousand questions, so much so I won't allow myself to even take a step back and appreciate how well…

Tis The Season

  It feels like I have this lump stuck in my throat. I've just gotten back from lunch with a friend and admittedly that's all I've eaten today. I'm trying hard to keep the panic at bay but I'm really struggling. The fact my meal was healthy doesn't matter, my brain doesn't see it that…

Making Peace With The Mirror

It's oh so cliched but I need to start measuring myself in strength and not pounds. But why does something so simple feel so incredibly hard? People see my smile on a daily basis. They hear my laugh at least once an hour and that's what I'm best known for. The girl who's always smiling.…

Heartache, Heartbreak

I just feel so lonely, struggling to pick myself up. These past two months have been hell and I've never had to cope with so many different yet equally hard situations. And its as if there isn't anyone there. I feel like I'm struggling to get through this and I don't know how to make…

Tuesday Night

He caught me. I heard his footsteps but I didn't have enough time. Not enough time to clean up or sort myself out. Just not enough time. I panicked and I freaked out. It happened so fast yet felt so slow. I heard him coming in and I rushed, I tried to sort everything out.…

Raw

They wanted to weigh me and I hadn't anticipated that. They sat me down and oh so casually said they needed my weight I haven't seen my weight for more than two months and the instant panic made it impossible to speak, I could have told them I didn't want to see it, or that…

Countdown

You've not eaten all day. You need to eat. And then it begins. It starts with a question of 'why?' Why did I eat? Why could I not have been stronger? And then the fear kicks in. The fear of being fat. The fear of being ugly. The fear of becoming that unwanted fat and ugly…

Brave

So, that girl made it to the law ball after all. I knew I wanted to go, wanting to go wasn't the issue. I wanted to go and have a great time with my friends and I didn't doubt for a second that I wouldn't enjoy my time with them. But it's so difficult to ignore that…