Out of sync

I decided to stay in Cape Verde for the week instead of going home early. I wrote a nice big list of pros and cons (don't we love those) for staying or going home and, ultimately, I realised I wouldn't necessarily be much happier at home and I'd still be doing very little so if…

V-Day-D-Day (Part 2)

That's right...V-Day-D-Day got worse yesterday AFTER I published my new post so here I am making an additional one. In all honesty, this guy deserves a separate post anyway, so well done him! Firstly, let me provide you with some humour as to why some of my previous Valentine's are 'special' in a not-so-special-way: 2013…

A Beautiful Ticker

The thing with broken clocks is that you can tell exactly when they stopped ticking. With people it isn't so easy. Sometimes you can't even tell they're broken. I wouldn't necessarily say it's broken but it's definitely been hurt. It's been picked up and carelessly shattered into pieces a few times but it's still there. It's still ticking, beating…

Raw

Hands tense, gripping what they can. Trying to stand tall but everything is crumbling. Heavier weights to try numb the even heavier pain. But it's falling away. It's being ripped away. It hurts. Oh it god damn hurts. The pounding starts. The voices come running. Whispers turn into screams. Walls back up but still spiralling downwards.…

A Beautiful Contradiction

Let me tell you this. Being told that no feelings had developed, no slight spark after almost 10 weeks of seeing me was potentially one of the most hurtful comments I've ever had. Being told that it has all been entirely platonic and being asked to explain why I thought he liked me was a…

Shit Happens

I know I did nothing wrong. I know that sometimes you simply aren't going to be the right person for someone but god, do I feel like a fool. Last night I wished I could say with conviction that it was his loss and yet I couldn't. His words have been such a contradiction to…

Whole-Hearted

  I have never seen pretty much everyone at work look so disheartened all week so thank God it's finally the weekend. Finally time for me to get out of London for a couple of days and just get away from it all. Away from everything. I can't even put my finger on exactly what…

The World Looks Brighter From Behind a Smile

You're never fully dressed without a smile 3 years into my recovery. 6 years since the Demon appeared. There's days I have that negative niggle in the back of my mind, the one that whispers things like I'm not good enough, I need to lose weight, everything will be better once I'm lighter. But those days are becoming…

‘Time Heals’, That’s a lie.

Right now I am a mixture of very happy and very sad and I’m trying so very hard to figure it all out. I’m trying to figure out all these feelings and emotions and words and thoughts and I can’t work out what they all mean. Everything I feel lately seems to be a contradiction…