A Running Buzz

I did something completely off the bat last week. Something I'm so surprised that I did but something that I'm so incredibly pleased with myself about. I went for a run which ended up being my first ever 10k run. What's more, I enjoyed it. I came back home with such a buzz. Had I…

Hidden

You say you don't like to tell me you love me too often, so that when you do, it means 'more'. Those hidden words would mean a lot to me, if I were to hear them a little more often. You say I'm perfect the way I am but I feel as though you keep…

Just a touch of magic…

It is impossible to visit Disneyland and not feel happiness. I challenge you to find someone who has entered one of the parks and not enjoyed it one bit...but even if you do find someone,or you are in fact someone who doesn't like Disneyland, then that's perfectly acceptable. Each to their own! My boyfriend and…

Restless Rest

I had a week off work last week for no reason other than I had holiday to use and figured that back in March, a random week off in June would work well. I struggled that week more than I ever thought I would. Between all the hospital appointments I had scheduled and the inevitable…

Just Because

Just because you see the smile doesn't mean there isn't anything hurting behind my eyes. Just because you see the food being eaten doesn't mean there isn't any fear behind every mouthful that I swallow. I'm not pretending to be okay. I'm fighting to be okay. And each day is getting better...I think so, anyway. In fact,…

Internal Criticisms

The big, dreaded, over-thought-about-before, phone call happened on Thursday. It was supposed to be Tuesday but got switched last minute. That in itself freaked me out for a good 12 hours... But deep breaths and I got there. I was so incredibly nervous to hear my old therapist's voice as I sat on my bed…

Just say this or that

I slipped up and he told me he was 'frustrated'. Since admitting my relapse the other week I've pretty much put every practical step into motion that you can think of. I moved into his for the week so I could have that really close support (supervision too). We sat and made a meal plan,…

Back to Basics

  Apologies as there may be some triggering thoughts here. So, I thought I was doing okay and there were times I thought I was fine. Or at least the ‘Demon’ told me I was okay. Convinced me I didn’t need help. That there wasn’t an issue because what I was doing was keeping me…

Nightmare Realities

The illness crept up on me full force when I was reminded over an awful night that happened almost a year ago...wow, it's almost a year ago now...one year...12 months...52 weeks...365 days ago. Can I even call it an anniversary? Surely that day doesn't deserve to have an anniversary? Nevertheless, the date is fast approaching and I can…

The World Looks Brighter From Behind a Smile

You're never fully dressed without a smile 3 years into my recovery. 6 years since the Demon appeared. There's days I have that negative niggle in the back of my mind, the one that whispers things like I'm not good enough, I need to lose weight, everything will be better once I'm lighter. But those days are becoming…